Those who support Liverpool should look away now. That is, if you have recovered from last Sunday, but even if you have had your fun, this may irritate you: there is a sense that this Premier League season has been unsatisfactory.
Brentford’s victory over Nottingham Forest on Thursday night dampened the romance. It appears that the Tricky Trees will no longer compete in the Bigger Cup, much to the dismay of edit producers who had already begun work on the Cloughie montage. With no relegation battle, there’s only Manchester City’s fall from grace to, er, fourth to look at.
Thank goodness for the continent, where the Premier League’s brave boys can remind those Eurocrats that ours is the best bloody league on the planet.
It’s going well, though there’s a bullies showing up at junior school vibe to such success. That is not to mention Arsenal, who are still in the Bigger Cup semi-finals despite the fear North London Forever must have instilled in PSG at the Emirates.
The real test comes in tournaments where the appeal is more selective. Bigger Vase, a repechage for those not good enough for the top tier, provided double servings of patriotic pride.
Tottenham, owned by billionaires, defeated Bodø/Glimt, an Arctic Circle community club, 3-1.
Because of the pessimism surrounding Spurs, much of the attention was focused on Ulrik Saltnes’ late goal and the plastic pitch that awaits them next week in far northern Norway. “Look, it’s on artificial grass, but it’s still football,” Ange Postecoglou exclaimed.
Hurrah also for Manchester United, football’s grandest crisis club, owned by two separate billionaire factions, for crushing Basque Country jewel Athletic Club, a team assembled by cantera – homegrown talent – rather than hoofing cash on windy flops, 3-0 in their own ground.
Beaten-down The Reds were wiping their eyes in disbelief as Ruben Amorim’s team performed so well. Where did that come from? Big Red appears to have developed a useful habit of getting an opponent sent off.
Athletic’s Dani Vivian was fired for bringing back Rasmus Højlund in the style of a slapstick comedy from the early 1980s.
Chelsea, owned by venture capitalist billionaires, won 4-1 against Djurgården in Stockholm, adding to England’s glory.
A plastic pitch was no problem for Enzo Maresca’s entertainers, who walloped a team that prioritized the fans, exactly the type of minnows Tin Pot is supposed to bring out the best in, like a Scania artic rolling over roadkill. Well done, he’s 13 years old.
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QUOTE OF THE DAY
We’ve had some difficult results, we are bottom of the league and we were never going to become solid and be dominant in the game. If we did that when I came in with seven games to go, I’d probably be able to bring world peace as well” – interim manager Simon Rusk on how he would have been worthy of a Nobel prize if he’d managed to coach a bit of backbone into his rock-bottom Southampton side.
FOOTBALL DAILY LETTERS
The potential Tottenham Hotspur or Spurs v Manchester United Bigger Vase final is going to be that paradox of a clash between one that can’t win and one that doesn’t want to win” – Krishna Moorthy.
As noticed by me and 1,056 others, your Memory Lane (yesterday’s Football Daily , full email edition) photo of Tony Hateley and Emlyn Hughes reminds me of the great Ted Lowe commentary: ‘For those of you watching in black and white, the pink is next to the green’” – Louis Beasley-Suffolk.
Sorry, I disagree with with you, Tom Dowler (yesterday’s Football Daily letters). Riqui Puig was unfortunately injured, and seems to spend most of his time being largely nice, if a bit puppyish and over enthusiastic. John Terry got himself banned from the final by being a divot in the semi. Can we please keep Terry as the epitome of the full-kit celebration? It is the very least he deserves. Plus, I don’t care who wins Bigger Cup now, but I do want someone to slip on their ar$e, c0ck up a penalty and start crying so we can bring that up again too” – Jon Millard.
